I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
