Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
