The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
