now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
