did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
