Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
