If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
i think my cat just said my name.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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