i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
