You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
