That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Randomize
