I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
