I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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