i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
