I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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