i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
pray to the hookup gods
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
