omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
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He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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