Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
