If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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