Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later