Will you blow on my dice?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
