make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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