Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
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Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
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He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?