Texts From Last Night

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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different

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  (937): I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different http://tfl.nu/6y7e
  Replies (2) Good night (1626) Bad night (561)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her

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  (405): Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her http://tfl.nu/rds9
  Replies (20) Good night (1069) Bad night (1925)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process

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  (214): I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process http://tfl.nu/ph4s
  Replies (10) Good night (591) Bad night (4682)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  I see a marketing opportunity

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  (703): I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off! (1-703): I see a marketing opportunity http://tfl.nu/gn9o
  Replies (61) Good night (4539) Bad night (758)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways

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  (904): we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways http://tfl.nu/vdwk
  Replies (6) Good night (4195) Bad night (1166)
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  (+41): View more from Switzerland

  I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples

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  (+41): I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples http://tfl.nu/80un
  Replies (16) Good night (1061) Bad night (5095)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups

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  (563): At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups http://tfl.nu/0hio
  Replies (4) Good night (1829) Bad night (993)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.

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  (571): you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were. http://tfl.nu/2fw7
  Replies (5) Good night (2365) Bad night (818)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.

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  (972): About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised. http://tfl.nu/d2m0
  Replies (5) Good night (1466) Bad night (630)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.

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  (513): Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"? (505): yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win. http://tfl.nu/lwrt
  Replies (3) Good night (1930) Bad night (606)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.

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  (352): I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle. http://tfl.nu/6oed
  Replies (15) Good night (3313) Bad night (681)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."

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  (973): Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke." http://tfl.nu/posr
  Replies (5) Good night (1974) Bad night (677)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5

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  (+44): i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5 http://tfl.nu/ljio
  Replies (14) Good night (2817) Bad night (704)
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  (415): View more from California

  If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft

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  (415): If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft http://tfl.nu/qde3
  Replies (1) Good night (867) Bad night (534)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.

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  (318): I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna. http://tfl.nu/hik5
  Replies (4) Good night (1326) Bad night (364)

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