I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.