Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
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I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
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how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward