I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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