I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
