If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
