I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize