so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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