My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
