she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
