Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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