help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
