just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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