Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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