I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
FUCK WHALES
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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