grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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