I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
