So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
