hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
