WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
