I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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