So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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