Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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