Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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