so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize
