i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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