a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
