Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
