I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
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I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
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A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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