i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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