I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
