Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
