Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
