I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
