Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
