"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize