Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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