New invention idea: vibrating tampons
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
