wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
