You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm like, not good at living.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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