absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
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He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
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Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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