I wanna bring you to show and tell
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
