Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
