Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
So apparently I’m into choking now
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