im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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