Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
