If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
