sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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