just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
no you cant smoke seaweed
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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